Thursday, August 27, 2009

FAQ

Research shows that about 47% of all conversation comprises of questions. Ok, I just made that up. It seemed nice to open the post with a statistic! But of late people do seem to ask me a lot of questions and sometimes I am not able to answer them the way I actually want to either because I don't want to hurt their feelings or cause I want to be polite. So I thought it would be interesting to list those questions here and then answer them here honestly, almost.

Why do you spend $300 more each month to stay in DC Apartments, while GB apartments are cheaper and also all Indians live there?

If I have not made it clear in my blog before, I love my apartment. The whole complex is new, well maintained and though it is a really huge complex, everyone at the apartment office knows my name. Like I have only said a 1000 times before, I have an awesome view from my patio.

I don't really care to live among Indians since we are not a herd. To the contrary, I have noticed that apartments dominated by desis are dirty and stink due to the scant disregard we have for cleanliness and "What would others think?". I lived in GB during my internship and it was awful to say the least. The hallways always stank of curry and one time I saw/smelt puke on the elavator. People walk on the grass all the time and I have seen people get into the pool right after working out, without taking a shower. Also even though Madison gets pretty hot during the summer, GB doesn't have air conditioning.

To be honest, when we were apartment hunting, though we steered clear of GB, we did consider a lot of apartments that were cheaper than DC, but a whole lot nicer than GB. Maybe I would have taken one of them if I hadn't seen DC. It may not make a lot of sense financially to spend so much on an one bedroom apartment, considering my paltry salary and that S is away for months on his job and has to rent an apartment of his own there. But this apartment makes me happy. Period!

Wow, this is a longg answer.

How come you didn't get any scholarship or any tuition waiver for Grad School? You know, my chitappa paiyyan's onu vitta mama oda thambi did not have to pay any tuition fees when he did a PhD on Bollywood heroines in 1968.

Seriously! People fail to realize that it is impossible to get any form of funding for a Masters' program. And certainly not if you aren't doing a thesis and graduating in 3 semesters. Also, when I tell you that I paid for all 3 sems of grad school (the way all my friends did), do not ask me what percentage of them my dad paid for, what percentage are loans etc. I am not going to tell you that and even if I do, it would be very unwillingly and I will judge you for that.

How come you & S don't stay together all the time?

Warning: Asking this question would lead to a very very very long rant about the economy, education loans, USA, the Masters program in general, so on and so forth

Oh you still want an answer? Well, here's the short version - the economy sucks, I had to do my Masters, education loans, can't sit at home and be a housewife and be happy, hate USA, want to go back to India.

Why do you buy fresh flowers for your home?

Again, coz flowers make me happy. I find paper/plastic flowers tacky. (Yeah I noticed you have those in your house and I was polite enough not to mention them) Silk flowers ok for other people's homes, meaning you won't find them in mine, but I won't judge you if you have those in your home.

Why do you go to the Aveda salon to get a haircut when CostCutters is 70% cheaper?

I used CostCutters when I was a student and I had bad haircuts when I was a student - go figure! But seriously, my hairdresser at the Aveda Salon is super awesome. She recommends good products that suit my hair and she teaches me how to style my hair in hurry, so that I don't come in to work looking like something the cat dragged in. However, since I am not made of money, I go to cheaper places like JC Penney salon for pedicures, eyebrow waxing etc. Which leads us to the next question ...

Why do you wax your eyebrows when all other Indian women get them threaded?

Because waxing is better! Duh! But seriously, this is quicker, cleaner and virtually painless. And no, I am not worried that my whole eyebrow would just get waxed away!

Why don't you like shopping, like all other normal women do?

I guess it's in my blood. I hate shopping for myself and even more I hate accompanying others on shopping trips. Atleast when I am shopping for myself I know I will be done soon. But most of the other women I know (H: Yes, I am talking about you here) take hours choosing clothes, trying them on and then decide they don't like anything in the store and I die inside multiple times when this happens. Many times when S & I are talking to another couple, the guy begins to complain about the wife/gf's shopping habits and she turns to me for support assuming I heart shopping too. And halfheartedly I start supporting her even though I am secretly rooting for the guy. SO the next time you invite me for a shopping trip and I make up a ridiculous fake excuse to get out of it, it's not you, it's me!


Why are you always talking about wierd shows like Arrested Development, Parks & Recreation, when the only show that all Indians like is Friends?

Yeah my bad. I should have known better! When someone starts talking about how Seinfeld is sooo unfunny, I should not bring up Arrested Development, which by the way is the best comedy on TV ever! There I go again. Ok, how about I don't bring up any of these until you mention that you love The Office?

Why don't I ever see you and S at the Indian fest/local temple events/Hindi movie?

If you didn't get it earlier, S and I are not exactly fond of herding it with Indians. Most of our friends and acquantainces are desi, but we don't want to make friends with anyone just coz they are desi. Particularly the kind of Indians that attend these events. Yeah, we look down on most Indians who live here ("NRI"). They wear magic goggles when they go shopping that automatically converts USD to INR. Again, I don't have a problem with being frugal and saving money. I have noticed many people trying to cheat others in order to save money - like asking for a cup for water and then filling with soda, wearing a garment for more than a day and then try to return it etc etc. I have talked more about this in some previous post that you are welcome to dig out.


You know, all of you that know me in person, or could possibly know me in the future, should have a printout of this FAQ in your wallet!

9 comments:

kaushik said...

Cool Cool!!!

If GB is what I think it is, I liked the place the few times I have visited it....and I did not find that place all that dirty....

I am trying to guess what DC is...

P

janani said...

@kaushik - GB is the hub for all Indians in West Madison. DC is a lesser known group of apartment complexes off of Old Sauk Rd. GB has some luxury apartments that are supposedly nicer. And yeah, maybe I am biased because I had a miserable time when I lived there thanks to my horrible roommate!

H said...

eyebrow waving...ohh jeez!!!..who waxes eyebrows??? threading is the way to go!!!

also its best to not mingle in herds...tats the place for meeting the worst kinda indians!!!

n also u r the one who is different girl...coz all girls MUST love shopping!!! n if u dont then..hmmmm...u shud prob get urself checked ;);)

janani said...

@H - Yeah I was expecting something like this from you :-)

Try waxing once and u will never go back to threading!

Yeah well, I am sooo happy my wedding is over, so that I never have to shop like that again. :-))

Sandeep said...

Very interesting and hilarious indeed..though I am pretty much familiar with them!!

Seriously! The scholarship question irritates the freaking shit out of me too (Although...You know...Well...forget it! :)) )

seriously..people who feel seinfeld and office aren't funny..i have just no words for them!

Nimmy said...

Really funny post! :)

Karthick Prabu said...

What is GB and DC?

Nice description about the house, patio, flowers. A picture of them would be a plus.

Didn't know eyebrows will also be waxed.

Magic goggles that converts USD into INR -> :) Super,

dont care! said...

wow you are a BIG FAT judgy ass ma'am.
Im a UG student here and I know some of the best "NRI's" there are. Dont be stereotyping dude. And STINK of curry? you really said that? so who is the NRI now huh? and ALL indians dont watch just friends, whoever told you that..
what a SAD life u must lead , u r in here , you hate USA and you judge the indians here. Wow , sounds really sad to me.

RaviB said...

Haha, did i find this funny or what ? The best one was the scholarship question coz i could relate so well to it. I usually answer it saying "Yes, i have a scholarship, a monthly assistance of 1000 dollars and i can give you some money if you want". Try it out.